My Worst Nightmare...

Let me begin by first apologizing for this post. This is not a happy or funny post. I am usually so much more optimistic and happy and hopeful. So Please forgive me but I need to vent and I feel this needs to be written. I got a letter today from the Camp that Nick attends every year the last 2 weeks of August. The letter vaguely stated that there is an investigation going on from an incident that occured back in 2008 involving one of the autistic campers. IT WAS NOT NICHOLAS. but it certainly could have been. This happened too close to home.This incident will be made public very soon and for those of you that live here on Staten Island and will read it in our local paper, it will disgust you. I am sick to my stomach literally and probably won't sleep very well tonight. My husband was privy to more information than I would like to know but in the same token I'd rather know than not. Make sense? Im not so sure ... My son and many others like him are easy prey. They are the most vulnerable of all in our society. Those that cannot speak, defend themselves or ever tell a soul that something bad has happened to them. Unspeakable things can be done to children and adults for that matter that are just like Nicholas. People wonder why we never put Nick on a bus to go to and from school, why we never sent him to sleep away camp or overnight respite trips . This is why. I always thought Billy was too harsh and judgemental with his lack of trust of people especially young men. But now he can say "I told you so". No one can understand unless you have a child like Nicholas the fear you live with that he will be taken care of when not in your care. That goes for school, camp, recreation programs...and everything he does away from our home that does not involve us. Our worries go through the roof when we think about the future when the day comes that we are no longer here. Things we take for granted like Who will put gel in his hair each morning and tell him how handsome he is? Who will brush and floss his teeth so he doesnt get gum disease? Who will shave him and put cologne on him so he smells nice everyday? Who will help him shower with dignity? or talk to him at night before he goes to bed and tell him how wonderful he is or that they believe in him?? Im so sad and HATE myself right now for even letting myself go here...but these are the days that Autism wins. The days it brings me down and to this point. But these are also the very same days that motivate me to change the world..well not really the whole world but maybe our community. The days I change the way my other 2 precious children see the world and their brother and hope that I can instill in them the same pride and love for their brother that their parents have for each of them. I hope that they know Nick is the underdog and that he will always need protection and fighting for. So I pick myself up and think of the strength I have, that my parents gave me in my genes? and I put my faith in Jesus that my son will be safe. We will pray and watch and be the biggest pains in the asses when it comes to our son and anyone who may have the privilege to work with him. I feel better that I vented and I thank you all for reading this .. I ask that you keep this private until it becomes public.(soon) Please dont forward or alarm anyone with bits of info. The facts will be made public soon. Thank you for respecting my wish. And for always being there to cheer me on.. Im glad very few of my days are ever like this...but God carries me through and so does the love of my family and friends...good night all.